Dear Filipino Ladyboys,

So you want to look like or be a woman… that’s great and all, but try to smell like one too.

When you smell like dude butt and that wafts into my nostrils when I walk into Western Union. Not acceptable.

Typhoon Henry Is Hot For Typhoon Glenda

I miraculously survived Typhoon Glenda after an intense and grueling 12  hours without power. With my cuddling companions “pillow” and “pillow mistress” steady by my side and in between my legs respectively, I managed to comfortably slip into a slumber for most of it – despite the chaos ensuing outside. Now that you have been made aware of my sleeping habits, let me just say that even though I wasn’t in direct line of the storm, that I will never again complain about weather back home. I’m not entirely sure how these tiny little Asian miniatures managed to stay on the ground with all the extreme winds, considering that I almost got knocked over a few times myself during my admirable quest to find some decent nachos. nachosmeme Typhoon Glenda has caused over an estimated 600 million Philippine Pesos worth of damage. Which is approximately $13,753,590 ‘Merica dollars. For a country with such a poor economy and fragile infrastructure I can only imagine that the political powers that be will be struggling not to buy as many bottles of champagne as they are used to. Laymans terms: That’s a lot of money, and governmental blind eyes aren’t pretty anywhere you go. Hell, no blind eyes are pretty… have you seen those things? Yuck. roses-are-black-stevie-wonder So far, 20 have been announced dead, and 5 are missing thanks to Typhoon Glenda  and wouldn’t you know it, another typhoon, this time named after a guy – is following close behind like a creepy stalker/rapist. Typhoon Henry is set to affect the Philippines within 24 hours of Glenda’s departure, though this one is not aiming to hit the country directly. Side-note: I figured out why they call it “Rainy Season”

Typhoon Glenda Threatens To Knock Out My Power

I haven’t officially started blogging or even launched this site yet, but for those of you that are already on the newsletter. This one is for you.

Manila is going to be hit with a Category 1 Typhoon and to honor those constantly plagued by anger issues it is named after a woman. For those that don’t know, I currently live on the island of Boracay situated south of where the center of the storm is predicted to hit.

That being said,Typhoon Glenda (Rammasun) will be effecting us here in “paradise” as we are only an hour flight from Manila.

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This will be the worst Typhoon to affect the Philippines since “super typhoon” Yolanda (Haiyan). Also the first Typhoon to directly hit the capital in 4 years.

If I suddenly disappear it’s because I either got blown away from having lost so much weight or we are out of power.

Don’t worry about me, I probably wont die.

Maybe.

Besides…

more fun in the philippines2